i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
