My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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