everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
