My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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