She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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