So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
