do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
