You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
