I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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