Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
