Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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