Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
