I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
