Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
