no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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