If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
they need to just BURY HIM!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
