i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
