i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
