Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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