I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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