1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
