there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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