just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
