no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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