Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
