I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
