She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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