This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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