i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
