This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
