Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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