Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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