Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My ass is underappreciated
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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