I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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