found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
