Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
