Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
