How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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