she was so not down for the gang bang
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
