We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
