Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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