Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
