These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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