when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
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Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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