well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
