I am spending my child support on dildos
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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