The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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