you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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