this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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