Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
