also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter