I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.