Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.

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  (703): I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts. http://tfl.nu/s7w5
  Replies (12) Good night (693) Bad night (1249)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"

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  (720): There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!" http://tfl.nu/c7ck
  Replies (64) Good night (10139) Bad night (821)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.

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  (773): There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet. http://tfl.nu/w01w
  Replies (40) Good night (4474) Bad night (557)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk

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  (918): my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk http://tfl.nu/q4ib
  Replies (14) Good night (4773) Bad night (723)
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  (818): View more from California

  She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.

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  (818): She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on. http://tfl.nu/3dyc
  Replies (31) Good night (892) Bad night (9685)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.

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  (832): We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page. http://tfl.nu/lhck
  Replies (12) Good night (4392) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex

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  (702): I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex http://tfl.nu/r82f
  Replies (3) Good night (3886) Bad night (969)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night

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  (608): He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night http://tfl.nu/for8
  Replies (9) Good night (4830) Bad night (1634)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.

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  (604): I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power. http://tfl.nu/ot62
  Replies (4) Good night (1595) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.

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  (304): No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me. http://tfl.nu/xahh
  Replies (10) Good night (2383) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.

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  (714): I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters. http://tfl.nu/itk8
  Replies (5) Good night (2809) Bad night (495)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship

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  (412): we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship http://tfl.nu/1u6k
  Replies (3) Good night (555) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN

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  (321): In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN http://tfl.nu/dhlf
  Replies (1) Good night (523) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...

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  (215): You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected... http://tfl.nu/3okc
  Replies (0) Good night (485) Bad night (242)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation

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  (714): I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation http://tfl.nu/yqvf
  Replies (1) Good night (807) Bad night (228)

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