bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.