she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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