I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
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i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
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I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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