I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
