So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
