I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
