So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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