so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Randomize
