Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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