If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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