is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
