you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
