we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
